Girl Guy Week 5

Girl Guy Week 5 - Redeem

Gen 25:27-34

Jacob & Esau were twin brothers in the O.T. and Jacob was the 2nd born. Isaac the father loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob (can you feel the tension in the story). One day Esau comes in from the fields and is "dying" of starvation. Jacob had just whipped up some red stew (which I am sure was delicious). Esau "dying" of hunger wants some stew - Jacob recognizes his advantage over his brother in the moment and says if you give me your birthright then I will give you this stew.

To fully understand this we have to understand what the birthright meant and why it is a big deal. Isaac the father had become very wealthy and had lots of possessions, land, and animals. The oldest male had a birthright to inherit this from the father. So this wasn't just a beat up old horse that he would get it was riches beyond what any one man could dream of. It also entailed a blessing from the father before his death.

So when Esau hands it over for some stew we have to wonder what he was thinking. Why would someone trade something so valuable for something like stew?

Now think about sex, marriage, and the way God intended things to be. How often in our culture do we settle for stew instead of the thing God had in store for us? As teens sometimes it is so easy to just see a couple minutes, hours, days in front of you and base what you do off that - instead of realizing that God has so much more in store. His design is so much better but we often don't think ahead we just live for the what will please me right now.

Our culture tells us that if you are attracted to someone then you should connect with them physically and then emotionally, socially, and spiritually. The way of God is to connect spiritually realizing that brings everything else in perspective that is the foundation to go off of. Then socially, emotionally and lastly physically joining together.

What happens when you connect physically but then you don't connect on the other levels? Or the physical appearance changes? What then?

Read Psalm 51 - David had just been caught trying to cover up his mistake of just wanting to connect with the physical then he tries covering up his adultery and ends up killing off the husband of the woman he cheated with. Psalm 51 is as raw as they get - you can almost picture David before God pleading with him - desiring to be restored - true repentance desires God more than getting away with something or not having consequences.

We can all be restored - we all choose stew sometimes - let us be the type of people that choose the way of God over the stew.

GUYS & GIRL MONTH READING LIST

I thought I would put on her some of the reading that I would recommend if you wanted to go a little further with what we have been talking about. So here it is: : :

Specifically Written for Teens:

What Almost Nobody Will Tell You About Sex: By Jim Hancock and Kara Eckmann Powell

Sex 180: The Next Revolution: By Chip Ingram & Tim Walker

Dateable: Are You? Are They? : By Justin Lookadoo & Hayley Dimarco

For Guys:
Every Young Man's Battle : By Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker

Wild At Heart: John Eldredge

For Girls:
Captivating: By John and Stasi Eldredge

Advanced Reading: For Teens & Adults
Sex God: by Rob Bell - great book at exploring the endless connections between sex & spirituality

Healthy Vs. Unhealthy

Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Relationships are the biggest part of our lives. Usually that is the first place we shut God out of.

1 Cor 13:4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

The interesting thing about this verse is it is referring that you will meet people that are arrogant, rude, envious and to love them will take patience, kindness etc.

Here are some questions to ask to see if you are in a healthy relationship - Do you have healthy relationships with friends, family, neighbors? Ask these questions.

1 Cor 13:4-7
Are you patient with each other?
Are you kind to each other?
Are you never envious of each other?
Do you never boast to or about each other?
Is your relationship characterized by humility?
Are you never rude to each other?
Are you not self-seeking?
Are you not easily angered with each other?
Do you keep no record of wrongs?
Are you truthful with each other?
Do you protect each other?
Do you trust each other?

Now pick a relationship, one with family, friends, opposite sex. What jumps out at you in this verse that you know you are not right in?

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in truth."
I John 3:18 (NIV)

John the Baptist said “prove by the way that you live that you have turned from your sins.”

REPENT – for the kingdom of God is near. Repent means to head a different direction, to pull a 180 with where you are right now. The time to change relationships is right now. Shift the direction of them.

RELATIONSHIP INDICATORS:::
Can you speak the hard truth in love?
Do you want what is best for the other person?
Do you manipulate to get your way?
Do you serve each other?
Do others want to hang around you?
Can you spend time away from each other – at an event, or just away – not worried
Do you use the relationship to fulfill your needs or security?

Any type of relationship is only healthy when you go into it wanting to give to the relationship not get something out of it.

Let me bring it home a little. If I was to pull a super nanny on you and tape you 24/7 what kinds of things would I see in your relationships, With Family, Friends, Opposite sex. IF things start jumping in your mind that are not right – yelling, talking behind back, laziness, attitude, tone, --- what needs to change.

Maybe you need to put a stake in the ground tonight and say I want to move from unhealthy to the healthy. I need to ask forgiveness, tell my friends that I haven’t been a good friend. Have a real conversation with my parents, treat my siblings with respect and realize that I need to show love.

Becoming The Right Person

Our culture is obsessed with finding the "right" person we spend millions of dollars on dating services. As I read the Bible I think God is leading all of us to become the right person. God wants to shape our character our stories and our relationships. It isn't so much finding the right person as it is becoming the right person.

Sometimes as teens your decisions aren't based on the future but rather what the next minute has in store or the next hour that is your long term thinking. I want to stretch you to think a little bit further down the road. One day you will be a father/mother, a husband/wife - the decisions you make right now will effect the future. How you date does matter! Who you date matters! Your purity matters! Your marriage will be affected by what you do today, tomorrow, and in the next couple years. Who are you becoming?

Are you Dateable?

The person you are dating right now you will not be married to - let that sink in. The chances are you won’t be married to them - so don't ring shop in your head. How much you invest in this relationship will determine how much it will cost you when you end it.

Questions to ask if you are in a dating relationship:
+Have you said I love you, is your entire schedule shaped around the other person, do you share everything, have you lost good friends because you are constantly with them, do you spend all of your money on them, have you had physical intimacy with them?

If you answered yes to a majority of those questions than you are highly invested and it will take it’s toll when the relationship ends.

How you date will effect your married life

Everyone wants a great marriage right? No one is saying i want my marriage to be horrible and messy and end in a divorce. Think about what you want your marriage to look like.

Every football team wants to be the best and to be the best you have to train the best, you have to work hard, sacrifice, few teams become great because they don’t make the decisions they need to make to become great they aren’t willing to put in the hard work and it shows in the end result.

If you want a great future then you must be willing to live different now. If you live different now you will live differently when you are older.

If the person you are dating does not have the characteristics you are looking for in a future spouse then why would you even waste your time, energy, and emotions on getting to serious.

Our culture is so focused on finding the right person - we spend millions of dollars on services to find compatable people for us to marry, we have tv shows to find love.

I think God is more concerned with us becoming the right person more than finding the right person. If you become the right person you will attract the right person.

If you compromise now why wouldn’t you compromise later

The only way you should be in a relationship is if you are in it not for yourself and filling your needs if you are in it to gain security, to date the hottest girl, to get something out of it it is not a good thing.

Most girls believe lies that they can change him, that he isn’t that bad, that you are better than his last girlfriends, that he will treat you different

So what are you looking for in a spouse?

What Characteristics are you looking for in a future spouse?
Loves the Lord
Spends time with God - developing his character
Has a heart for people
Athletic
Loves to travel
Is wise with Money
Is compassionate
Has a good friend record
Invest in relationships

Are you working toward developing these characteristics as well?